I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Everything about him screamed your future.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
