I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
