you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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