so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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