I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
