I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
