Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
