Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
