I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I have demons in me.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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