so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
The uberlube is also flammable
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
