A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
