no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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