people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
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