Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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