I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
