So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
