i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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