She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
