dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
