oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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