The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
