Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
