he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
