Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
