FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
