I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
