i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
