im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
