a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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