First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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