I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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