He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
