is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
