my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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