i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
