i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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