i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
