Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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