Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
