he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
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