I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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