It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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