I want to walk on stilts...naked
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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