but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize