We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
