She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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