i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
