just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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