2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
