i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
