We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
