I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
