Pants 0. Shit 1.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
She even gives head with a lisp.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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