Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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