"it" just moved
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Randomize
