Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
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