I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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