and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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