Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
