U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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