Umm I'm too high to move.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
