What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
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