I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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