Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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