Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
