My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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