Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
being pregnant is like rehab
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
