Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
