Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
