She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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