woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
