What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
