just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
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