used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
