She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
