Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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