I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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